Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Why Yes, I did Fall Off the Face of the Earth

I suppose I should apologize for disappearing right when things were starting to get exciting in Nanowrimo, huh?
I do apologize blogworld. I will say, though, that the last week of Nanowrimo, while successful, was a struggle, and one about which I did not really wish to write. Too much moaning. Too much head-keyboard contact. Too much caffeine.
Then, with the blog-daily habit broken, I kind of fell out of it as other things swarmed in. Things like graduate school, which I started just after the New Year--I got my acceptance letter on the 30th, the same day I finished Nano (but the story is nowhere near finished. In fact, it's still on chapter 7. Yes, I know that is pathetic). Things like my fiance finally (finally) moving here permanently, and wedding planning taking off at about five million miles an hour (I don't see how people can get married multiple times. Just arranging my own single wedding has turned me off event planning FOREVER. And I'm not even doing much of it!) Things like that, which kept me from blogging. The 'real' world needed my attention desperately, and so my stories, once again, were put on the back burner.

Today, however, the real world reminded me that despite the amount of attention I give it, its sometimes not enough to keep things running smoothly. Today, I lost my job.

Now, that is not to say I was fired (I wasn't) or that something terrible has happened that requires medical leave (it hasn't). No, the company for which I work has fallen prey to our sucky economy, and today they announced they were closing stores in an effort to restructure and become more competitive. My store was one of those stores.

We'll have a few weeks, I think, while we try to sell all our merchandise. At least one more paycheck, though hopefully two. Then, it'll be just school, and the quarter is ending soon, so I'll have at least a week of absolutely nothing to do, unless I find a new job double stat.

obviously, I am looking. I was looking before this even became a reality because, honestly, most of us knew SOMETHING like this was going to happen. Now that it has, I really need to put the drive on now.

But there's a small part of me that is kind of looking forward to one less 'real world' responsibility and a little more free time. Maybe, just maybe, I can climb back in the saddle (for the forty-sixth BILLION time) and approach my poor stories with a little more dedication, a little more inspiration. I think about them constantly, especially Five, but when I sit down to actually write, nothing happens.

I need to hold myself more accountable for my writing. You can have all the talent in the world, but if you don't have the discipline to hone that talent and commit to it, you might as well have no talent at all. I have a tiny smidge of talent--I need to nurture it and help it get stronger, not ignore it until I can't write worth a damn anymore.

So here's to new beginnings. I won't promise more consistent posting (yet) because I'm not sure I can deliver. But I fully intend to use this turn of events in a positive way, and I intend to use this space to hold myself accountable to that plan.

Good luck to me. God knows I need it.